pondering

wavestep Avatar
wavestep
Oneclan
Dec 18, 2019 23:59:37 GMT
[googlefont="Girassol"][googlefont="Poppins"]
[attr="class","bandittttt1"]
[attr="class","bandittttt3"]WAVESTEP
[attr="class","bandittttt2"] Deep with MoorClan territory, where the grasses were high and hid even the tallest behind their billowing gaze, laid Wavestep. The blades once deep emerald in color were now brown and withered, but still offered protection from prying eyes. His pelt was ruffled and he stank of another cat, a non-MoorClanner. Admittedly, he should have been ashamed of himself and truthfully, he was. Fawnspots was loyal. She deserved better than he. Yet she stayed with him and every moon - with lack of consequence - it seemed to be easier to slip away. She seemed to ask less questions of where his time was being spent and once he’d agreed that they’d begin trying for kits it was like any ounce of trouble he could have gotten into melted away.

The thought of kits sobered the lax smile that stretched across his mouth and with a low groan, he lifted himself from his lying position to sit on his haunches. Lost in thought, the bengal tom flicked his tail side to side and began bathing himself. In his younger moons, he’d been careful to roll in whatever piece of dung he needed to to mask the smell, but as he grew older and more careless, he settled occasionally a dip in the creek and rolling through a field of flowers. He’d stop on his way back.

Wavestep didn’t even know why he did it anymore. Fawnspots was beautiful. She was patient. She dealt with him in a way that no other had ever bothered to before. Yet he was unfaithful and most of the time, he couldn’t even say why. The matter of things was that he was possessive in the worst kind of way. He wanted her - he had more than he had any other cat. He’d slept with many, but that desire was controlled by the fear of becoming like Snowdapple. So instead he ran around with she-cats who wouldn’t expect him to father the kits that could come from his bad decisions.

Bad decisions. That was harsh.

After all, one of his bad decisions turned into the medicine cat of his clan and while he knew that Whitemoon had been proud of the young tom, Wavestep didn’t have much to say either way. Or at least he hadn’t, until Mistfeather died. His only known children were of MoorClan and seeing one die had shocked him to the core. It made him want to try to be better. That was where the notion that maybe, just maybe, he could try to be there for his mate and his son.

Standing up and stretching his limbs, the blue eyed tom fought the urge to roll his eyes, snorting at the idea. “You’re off to such a great start.” He mumbled as he made his way through the dead undergrowth, running face first into another feline and letting out a surprised snarl.
[attr="class","bandittttt4"]486 | |

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PEBBLES
FIFTY-ONE
MALE
HE/HIM
HETEROSEXUAL
WARRIOR
NA
BANDIT
skywhisper Avatar
skywhisper
Oneclan
Dec 19, 2019 2:58:37 GMT
[nospaces]

[attr="class","biggieno"]
[attr="class","textieno"] [break] angry meddie [break] credit [break][break]

The morning had been a bad one, even for the calm young bengal. Skywhisper gave a hiss of frustration at the frosty leaves. He had hoped there would be some daisy or heather flowers left. Leaf-bare was here and many herbs in the lavender fields were going to be scarce. Unfortunately, the frost hit much earlier than he had expected. One of the most common herbs damaged by the frost was juniper. He scrounged through the bushes he knew, trying to find a few berries not killed by the frost. The few he managed to salvage, he rolled into a bundle and carried in a large beech leaf.[break][break]

Well, that was an unfortunate and short trip. He thought perhaps he should be using the extra time and doing some hunting or battle training with Orchidpaw when he got back to the camp. As the winter approached, prey would be scarcer and tensions rose higher between Clans. Every paw, even medicine cats, would be indispensable. [break][break]

Unexpectedly, some cat bumbled through and crashed right into him. Skywhisper stumbled, dropping his bundle. Berries spilled out onto the frosty grass and some rolled out of sight into the dead undergrowth. Annoyed, he snarled and whipped around, coming face to face with his mirror image. Wavestep. There wasn't a cat he liked to see less. [break][break]

Ears flat against his head, he tried to use his tail to stop all of the berries from rolling away. Usually Skywhisper believed there was no use speaking to his mess of a father. Since Mistfeather's death, he could not help but be angry toward Wavestep's indifference. Why bring life into a world if the kits won't have a good life? [break][break]

He stared at the lost berries and mess of herbs on the ground. Today the usually reticent Skywhisper could not help give a sarcastic and irritated hiss, "Good going."
[break][break]


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PEBBLES
36
Male
Undecided
IO
wavestep Avatar
wavestep
Oneclan
Dec 21, 2019 19:04:15 GMT
[googlefont="Girassol"][googlefont="Poppins"]
[attr="class","bandittttt1"]
[attr="class","bandittttt3"]WAVESTEP
[attr="class","bandittttt2"] In his defense, Wavestep had never had the intention of having kits in his life and certainly hadn’t with Wintermoon. So when she came forward pregnant shortly after they’d shared a night together, he could only hope that they were not his own. Unlucky for him, when Skywhisper had been born there was no way the bengal could deny the relation. They were nearly identical in marking. Unfortunately, he hadn’t bothered trying to step forward after their birth. Wintermoon knew his history and Wavestep was too frightened of the same fate befalling his spawn. It was why he’d been so heartless to deny Fawnspots for moons.

Since his son became a medicine cat, Wavestep took extra measures to avoid him, including making sure that he was careful in his daily adventures. He’d have no twisted paws or raw pads sending him to the paws of the one cat in MoorClan who probably hated him more than he hated himself. And that was saying something…

So now, as he stood before the bengal tom who he’d carelessly bumped into and sent his herbs scattering into the snow and dead undergrowth, Wavestep nearly wished for the cats in the stars he didn’t believe in to get him out of this awkward situation. Unfortunately, the fictional cats were just that and the brute knew he had to get out of this one himself. Clearing his throat, he said slowly, “Sorry.” Though his tone showed just how meaningless the statement was. There was very little that he truly felt guilty for - which was pathetic considering the long list of accusations he had trailing behind him.

Can I offer my help to collect them without you acting like a spoiled kit?

You’re supposed to be reconciling your relationship. His mind snapped back at him, though his blue eyes didn’t waver from the coldness that he looked at his kin with. Wavestep wasn’t a father and Skywhisper knew that better than anyone. He held no desire to be a father in his youth and truthfully, he still didn’t. The death of Mistfeather had only made him realize that he shouldn’t deny his mate the option to be a mother and while he didn’t think he’d be good as a father, he could at least try for her. Still, his lips pulled down into a scowl at the thought of bringing more kits into this world.

Carefully, the bengal tom stepped past the medicine cat, careful to avoid the undergrowth in case one of the berries had lodged itself underneath the dead leaves. His child or not, CreekClan needed a medicine cat and they needed herbs to treat their sick. Even though he wished he could ignore the problem, Wavestep held loyalty to his clan - unlike his mate and kits. So he’d help regardless of Skywhisper’s request.
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PEBBLES
FIFTY-ONE
MALE
HE/HIM
HETEROSEXUAL
WARRIOR
NA
BANDIT
skywhisper Avatar
skywhisper
Oneclan
Dec 24, 2019 22:38:55 GMT
[nospaces]

[attr="class","biggieno"]
[attr="class","textieno"] @tagged [break] notes [break] credit [break][break]

That cat could help clean up, or not. It mattered little to him. There was no guilt coming from his father that he knew of. Wavestep had sent she-cats into despair and cared little for his existing kin, why would he feel guilty over some berries?[break][break]

An empty apology was exactly what he had expected. It was probably exactly what Wavestep would say to his mother or his sister. A monotone "sorry." To Skywhisper, a cat that meows empty words should not meow them at all. Anything the MoorClan medicine cat said, he had always gone through with with his actions. Otherwise, it was just as good as a lie. [break][break]
And that was exactly what Wavestep had done to him his entire life: lie.[break][break]

"Let us be clear who is the spoiled one here," he meowed with an aggressive edge, his tail motioning to the lost resources at the peak of leaf-bare. Juniper berries were always essential to his stocks at this time. The loss would be straining at best, devastating at worst should greencough or whitecough hit the Clan. An empty offer to help meant little to him. Then again, Wavestep could not have known that. Wavestep was no medicine cat. Far from one.[break][break]

There was not a thing about Wavestep that Skywhisper approved of, especially his lack of a faith. Skywhisper wondered silently if that contributed to Wavestep's lack of a moral compass. He snorted at Wavestep's attempts to pick up the remaining berries from the undergrowth. At least the warrior had some sort of care for his Clan.[break][break]



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PEBBLES
36
Male
Undecided
IO
wavestep Avatar
wavestep
Oneclan
Dec 27, 2019 20:13:18 GMT
[googlefont="Girassol"][googlefont="Poppins"]
[attr="class","bandittttt1"]
[attr="class","bandittttt3"]WAVESTEP
[attr="class","bandittttt2"] Wavestep wasn’t surprised by the bitterness behind Skywhisper’s words. Infact, he’d decided that he would have been more surprised if the tom acted as if there was nothing wrong. He didn’t respond immediately to the tom’s snap about who was spoiled, instead lowering himself to peer under the bushes he’d just been nestled into. His pelt stank of loner but he made no effort to hide it as he fished out a delicate berry the roots of the bush, his eyes locked on it to make sure he didn’t accidentally squish it. Once it’d been freed, he nudged it toward the medicine cat before returning to the bush to make sure that no others were wedged in the roots of the plant.

I was sorry to hear about Mistfeather.” He said finally, and this time, he did sound mildly apologetic. It was, however, important to note that the older tom didn’t bother sitting up nor looking toward his son as he spoke about his daughter’s passing. In part, it was because he didn’t know how to handle it and he didn’t think that Skywhisper would be one to offer him comfort in this time - not that he needed it. “I was… meaning to reach out to the both of you before it happened. I just thought I had more time, I suppose.” He said slowly as his paw disappeared under the bush again to pull out another juniper berry. Clearing his throat, he slowly continued, trying his best to make sure he didn’t say something stupid.

Though, instead of continuing with his thoughts, he grew silent and let out a frustrated growl as he pulled his paw from the bush, the crushed berry staining his white paw. “It was stuck underneath the root, I thought I could get it.” He justified, before taking a moment to lick his paw off before continuing the search. He didn’t mention the deceased again - nor did he make an attempt to continue the conversation. The moment of vulnerability was gone and the tom had no interest in bringing it back.

[attr="class","bandittttt4"]354 | |

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PEBBLES
FIFTY-ONE
MALE
HE/HIM
HETEROSEXUAL
WARRIOR
NA
BANDIT
skywhisper Avatar
skywhisper
Oneclan
Dec 30, 2019 21:19:25 GMT
[nospaces]

[attr="class","biggieno"]
[attr="class","textieno"] @tagged [break] notes [break] credit [break][break]

Skywhisper felt it rather ironic that Wavestep would bother bringing up Mistfeather. If Wavestep had wanted to make it up to her somehow, he could have. Instead he stood here in front of his remaining son, his fur stinking of some non-Clan fling, saying words about as empty as his heart. [break][break]

"Cats," he began in response to Wavestep's comment on time, "Never have a lot of time. You decided not to be a father. Her passing does not concern you."[break][break]

That was as much words and as much thought as Skywhisper could offer. He gave Wavestep's loner-filled pelt a obvious sniff of disapproval. Skywhisper had very little empathy for cats who wandered off to seek fulfillment in the shadows beyond the territory. It tainted their loyalty, he thought. And he, as a medicine cat, understood and cared little about mates or lovers. [break][break]

Skywhisper wondered if his own recent sickness with the Spore, the same disease that had killed Mistfeather, had riled Wavestep. Did Wavestep really care somewhere in there? Had he watched over them, somehow, in his own peculiar way?[break][break]
The thought was too tempting for Skywhisper to entertain. [break][break]
A squish brought him back to the present moment. Wavestep's paw was crusted with juniper berry. Skywhisper gave an internal sigh. He had always imagined a father figure as someone who was well-composed and intelligent, a shoulder to lean on. Wavestep's small mistakes and demeanor made his vision seem laughably idealistic.[break][break]
"Why don't you get back to whatever... or whoever... you were doing," he rolled his eyes, stifling a smile of amusement at Wavestep's clumsiness. [break][break]


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PEBBLES
36
Male
Undecided
IO
wavestep Avatar
wavestep
Oneclan
Jan 16, 2020 0:24:45 GMT
[googlefont="Girassol"][googlefont="Poppins"]
[attr="class","bandittttt1"]
[attr="class","bandittttt3"]WAVESTEP
[attr="class","bandittttt2"] Whatever attempt at an apology that may have followed - had there been one - was completely forgotten as Skywhisper curtly pointed out that Mistfeather’s death was not his concern. With a simple shrug, the tom cast his gaze toward the tom and nodded in agreement. “I suppose you’re right, it isn’t.” His coldness rivaled Skywhispers, but internally he was cursing himself for his own stubbornness and pride. He’d spent more sleepless nights than he cared to admit chasing off the guilt and the self-loathing for bringing kits into the same world he’d grown up into. When Whitemoon passed - and then Mistfeather - he tried to tell himself that he’d be better for his kin and his clan, but he’d failed that too. And now he didn’t think there was a way to repair the damage he’d left in his wake. Wavestep wasn’t naive.

Cleaning the squished berry from his paw, the tom rolled his eyes at his son’s statement, choosing to ignore the clear judgement that Skywhisper offered toward his actions and the scent that clung to his pelt. In his youth, he might have tried to hide it, but now he only made the effort if his attention crossed borders. When it came to loners, his logic was they were free reign. He knew very few warriors who didn’t venture outside of the MoorClan border on at least one occasion. Granted, their reasons were usually far less… primal. But that didn’t make the slightest difference in his mind. He didn’t need to justify himself.

Don’t be so cold. I thought you medicine cats were supposed to be warm and inviting.” The older tom chastised before offering a smirk. A wiser cat might have thought it better not to poke and prod at the cat who could be responsible for saving their life one day, but it was short lived and he let his smile fade, instead turning his attention back to the paw he was cleaning meticulously. “Besides, what kind of warrior would I be if I left you unattended in the dead of winter. What if a fox appeared out of his burrow because you were brooding too loudly. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.

And for good measure, he puffed out his chest and looked around, ears perked as if to show that he was necessary for the safety and survival of MoorClan’s medicine cat.


[attr="class","bandittttt4"]401 | | bandit

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PEBBLES
FIFTY-ONE
MALE
HE/HIM
HETEROSEXUAL
WARRIOR
NA
BANDIT
skywhisper Avatar
skywhisper
Oneclan
Jan 20, 2020 3:37:27 GMT
[nospaces]

[attr="class","biggieno"]
[attr="class","textieno"] [break] notes [break] credit [break][break]

"Unattended? Is it in your head that medicine cats need escorts all the time?" he squinted his eyes without looking at Wavestep. [break][break]

It was infuriating how condescending Wavestep could be. There really was no getting through to his eccentric kin. Skywhisper knew he was not the most inviting medicine cat, but it had not stopped him. He never considered himself the most empathetic practitioner of medicine either. He simply was, and he knew the Clan needed him. He was glad Wavestep dropped the topic of Mistfeather. Despite having reported the Spore to Spiritstar, Skywhisper was not quite ready to discuss it with any cat yet on an emotion basis.[break][break]

"Don't exaggerate. I'm sure you'd be able to forgive yourself. There's other cats you could attend to, you know."
[break][break]

By 'other cats,' Skywhisper was pointedly directing the statement toward Fawnspots. He had observed long ago that Fawnspots and Wavestep were close. And he was rather uncomfortable with it despite not knowing why. [break][break]

Perhaps he was unwilling to believe that Wavestep could have a second chance. Or perhaps he felt Wavestep did not deserve Fawnspots love after what happened with Whitemoon. He was not sure. Perhaps it was even, that he could smell the loner on Wavestep's pelt all while knowing the two were potentially mates. [break][break]

He was not normally the cat to pick on other cats' weaknesses, but Wavestep had picked at his. Skywhisper was not willing to back down. [break][break]



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PEBBLES
36
Male
Undecided
IO
wavestep Avatar
wavestep
Oneclan
Jan 29, 2020 5:34:03 GMT
[googlefont="Girassol"][googlefont="Poppins"]
[attr="class","bandittttt1"]
[attr="class","bandittttt3"]WAVESTEP
[attr="class","bandittttt2"] Shrugging his shoulders, the warrior pondered his response only for a moment before spouting back, "No, I do not feel that way most of the time, however, as I said, in the dead of winter, it's not the best time to be wandering about on your own. Predators are more desperate because prey is more scarce and unfortunately for you, Skywhisper, you could be a tasty meal to a starving fox. As I said, I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen."

Admittedly, as he explained it this time, his tone wasn't as joking as it had been and there was some truth to his statement. Despite the relationship - or lack their of - that the toms had, he knew that MoorClan needed Skywhisper a lot more than they needed him and at the end of the day, if - by some stroke of bad luck - a fox did appear, it wouldn't be the medicine cat that MoorClan would lose. Maybe it was his way of thinking he could make up for all the wrong he'd done or maybe it was a glory complex. Whatever it was, it was unlikely the older tom would back down.

As his son pointed out that there were other cats who needed his attention, Wavestep shifted uncomfortably and looked away from the similiarly colored tom. Fawnspots was a realm of her own in his head and while he knew how he felt - how he loved her - he also knew that there was something standing in his way from ever giving her what she wanted. And he'd tried for moons to get past it but now with as long as they'd been together, he just didn't see it being a possibility. Skywhisper was from his first litter and the only one he'd ever seen grown. And try as he might to try to overlook that fact, it was one that often stared him in the face. Whitemoon had been nothing more than a friend and their union brought kits he never should have sired into this world.

And now they hung over his head like a heavy burden. All because he was so badly prepared to become a father. Shaking his head and sighing heavily, the snow bengal rolled his eyes in response to the comment. "You have your responsibilities, I have mine. Leave me to decide which I'll attend to." He said finally.


[attr="class","bandittttt4"]403 | | bandit

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PEBBLES
FIFTY-ONE
MALE
HE/HIM
HETEROSEXUAL
WARRIOR
NA
BANDIT

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