♚ fallowbreeze had been missing his best friend. he had been hiding so many emotions from her that he wasn't entirely sure how she would take. between making a deal with majesty, and expecting kits to come back home with him...well there was a lot going on. and now that it was happening, not that he was actually going to be a father....the time to tell his most faithful companion had come. perhaps now she could love him, perhaps now she could see him in a different light.
he had caught her attention before he had been pulled away on the dawn patrol, meet him by the brooks, near the little bend with the downed tree. it was one of his favorite spots, fish sometimes hid near the end of the log and the fallen singular tree provided shelter from the harsh leaf-bare weather. although out here in the plains, it wasn't hard to stay hidden from the majority of the wind that swirled around the icy chill.
the light colored tom shuffled his paws nervously as he awaited the two toned femme. within moments he began to pace, his tail swishing in an orderly fashion to try and take his mind off of the many thoughts infesting his brain. how would she react? certainly not terrible right? after all, she had no interest in him after that nasty rumor started circling...but now, maybe now he could solve that with kits.....
Starlingstep walked softly, her skull filled to the brim with thoughts - each threatening to spill into a fit of emotions. Her heart had been weighted by the lack of closeness to Fallowbreeze as of late. Usually, the warrior was level headed, but now with her heart and head threatening to implode, she didn’t feel as steady.
The feeling of nervousness picked along her fur sharply as she made her way towards the brooks. She carried such fondness for the tom, but her heartstrings pulled tirelessly at her eating guilt.
As she approached she saw him in the distance, he looked strangely small. By now Starlingstep was used to his emotional presence, but this time he appeared different.
The molly called out to him fondly, swallowing the shame in her call.
She approached closer, attempting to give the tom a delicate nuzzle on the size of his face in greeting.
♚ so wrapped up in his own thoughts, fallowbreeze was unaware of her approaching presence. his own mind was picking away at the various scenarios and possibilities that this outcome of news could have. would she love him? would she see that he wasn't just some tom? could they possibly raise their own kits together? could she become some sort of mother figure to his kits? would his kits even want a mother figure after he yanked them away from theirs? oh the thought of unknown outcomes filled him with dread and threatened to let tears seep from his eyes.
But her voice caught him off guard, and he jumped ever so slightly. a slight nuzzle. was she in a good mood? was this going to be okay? she didn't seem off...or at least to him,..or did she? the toms mind spun and wove itself into a tangled mess before he remembered to greet her. "starlingstep. you look lovely. how have you been? i have so much to tell you....i know i haven't been the best friend lately and i'm sorry for that i just have a lot going on and it's been so secretive and hard to keep from you but i...." the tom sucked in a deep breath as his yellow orbs met hers.
she had always been there for him. his rock and standing stone. she was the solid base for them both when he faltered and failed at life. which, was more often than he liked to admit. even now, he was still failing at proving himself because he was caught on the words he so desperately wished to spit into the air. but would spiritstar even allow his kits into the clan? of course he would, the tom wasn't irrational...and well, who would turn down the kits? he was trying to do the right thing after all.....even if it had boiled down to him making more of a mess than he started with.
"i'm going to need help. possibly. i don't know if spiritstar...ooooh maybe i have messed up. maybe that was wrong of me to do." the tom's voice shook as his paws shuffled awkwardly in place. His teeth clamped shut tightly he let out an exasperated sigh before letting himself drop to the ground in defeat. "i did something i shouldn't have starling. i shouldn't have done it, but i needed to. it was necessary. it was one hundred percent the right thing to do and justified!" he cried, his tail flopping lifelessly to join him. he couldn't quite get the words out correctly, and he wouldn't even blame her if she just walked away.
You're such a gifted writer! The post you wrote above made me feel sad and I was laughing at the same time. Crazy lol
The toms words poured out like a rushing stream and Starlingstep knew that up ahead was a deep body of water.
“I’ve been alright,” her tone strung out. She knew she hadn’t been alright, but distracted. The worry over Fallowbreeze had been too great, creating a chaotic mess of diving into whatever was available to keep her thoughts busy elsewhere.
Fallowbreeze’s expression was like a whipped storm of emotions and his gaze held heavy on her own. Looking at him eased her heart, but also put a pit in her stomach.
"I'm going to need help. possibly. I don't know if spiritstar...ooooh maybe I have messed up. maybe that was wrong of me to do."
Starlingstep furrowed her brow, the tip of her tail flicking side to side. The fact that the tom had done something so great Spiritstar would be involved troubled her deeply, but she wouldn’t let her worries show. Her voice was stern but wrapped with sincere care.
“What did you do Fallowbreeze?”
The she-cat watched her best friend throw himself to the ground. It was quite dramatic, to say the least. She knew it had to be played out though, or it would get bottled up inside.
“Come on Fallow, get up.” She nudged his forehead with her nose, beckoning him upwards.
“Come and tell me what you did, and we’ll get through it together.”
Would they get through it? Starlingstep’s guilt was heavier on her now than it had been before. She wanted to tell him, but she was so unsure. If Fallow hated her she couldn’t face it, but she wasn’t sure if she could face hurting him any longer either.
Starclan, this isn’t me? Please just take these feelings away and make me who I was!
♚ it was hard to process anything being said to him. his ears were ringing with his own disappointment in himself. and his eyes were squeezed tightly shut. this was how he was to hid in plain sight. the only thing that could end his suffering at this point was some sort of fox attack. or some other predator...that would be the only way to seal his fate and perhaps fix the mess he made.
the tom was brought to the present moment when he felt a nudge, and he knew it was immediately starling and her cute ebony nose. that nose that had drawn him in from the get go. the one that had sealed the deal of falling for her. but now, that was a far fetched future and one he didn't entirely see happening. his yellow orbs slowly opened, hearing her last string of words. he sighed softly, not moving from his lifeless state on the cold ground.
"i'm going to have kits starling. i made some deal with some ragamuffin she-cat and it was just to get rid of that nasty rumor. but now i'm not sure that it was the right decision. i didn't want them to be hers, but i wanted to show you that it wasn't true. that i was capable of being a father." the words were soft, like a scared kit who was deeply in trouble with a cross parent. was this just parental panic setting in? was this just something he needed to go through in order to truly become a father?
the realization of it sounding as if he didn't want to be a father set in and he lifted his skull abruptly. "but i want the kits! i do want to be a father...just, it wasn't supposed to be with her." his voice was panicked as he spoke, rushed and leaving him winded. he couldn't bare to look at her, she would be disappointed in him...for that's what he was...the disappointment.
Sorry for not getting back to this thread sooner! I hadn't realized you posted! I'm so excited for this thread lol
The sound of her own heart plummeting downward rang in her ears. Starling was swept by a pang of intense sadness and a sense of liability. She had hoped more than anything to revisit the love they shared. She wanted to be the mother of his kits! The warrior's emotions blew from sadness to anger and hatred. Her face furrowing and her hackles rising ever so slightly.
Who was this she-cat and why would she make such a deal? She must be truly horrible to give away kits.
She felt like Fallowbreeze in her stir of emotions, each feeling ebbing her along a river of insanity.
But in the end, this fault was hers. She knew how emotionally sensitive the tom was and she knew her fault of letting the rumor slip. Of course, it would make him spiral to do something this drastic.
The she-cat turned to face the ground, her eyes wide as she stared at the Earth.
“Fallowbreeze,” she hushed quietly.
Her voice croaked under the heaviness.
How horrible I am. I can’t even meet his eyes.
“I’m so sorry and please know it’s because I love you. I did something terrible and I’ve spent every single day since regretting it. I understand if you hate me.”
Starlingstep sighed, her heart caving deeper inside of her.
“I’m the one that started the rumor.”
She shook her head, only now turning her gaze to match his. The she-cat tried her hardest to control her expression, but it broke along with everything else.
“I was so angry and confused about why you ran away from me that day! I care so deeply for you, but I felt twisted and horrible, which led me to say something I shouldn’t have. I didn’t know how to reverse it! I’m so sorry Fallowbreeze.”
♚ he laid there for what seemed like an eternity. time passed, and he was sure the sun had set and rose again by the time she spoke. But her voice was different, it was not the normal sweet melody that he was used to. it didn't sing soft lullabies to him in his dreams...it was strained and quiet. this was a starlingstep voice he didn't quite recognize. his ears twitched, attempting to identify the emotions and words before they were even spoken. but in failing to do so, her words hit him that much harder.
why would he hate her? wait what did she do? startled and readying himself for the worst, the tom bolted to his paws his eyes trained on her. but she wouldn't look at him, and she wouldn't acknowledge him...at least, not in the moment. but why?
and then the words slowly registered in his brain. the rumor? starlingstep? his heart began to feel heavy, and the weight on his shoulders became almost unbearable. how could she? his maw dropped as he readied himself to speak, but silence was all that he could manage. his head shook over and over, unwilling to acknowledge her words. she was lying, she hadn't truly done that had she? he had worked so hard to right the rumor, and he tried everything in his power to correct it. he even went and had kits with some she-cat outside of the clans!
tears began to form in the corners of his eyes and he found his haunches dropping to the ground in defeat.
"i trusted you starling...." words finally formed, exasperated and hurt. "i ran from you because i was scared. i was nervous. and instead of coming to me you did this?!" his eyes tore themselves from the ground to find her back and white shape. "you ruined me! i was trying so hard to show YOU that i wasn't who the rumor said i was and it was you who started the very thing!" he rose to his paws, turning his back to her before he began to pace. his voice had grown louder, and the tears willingly fell. all this, was for nothing.
"And now what?! Now i have kits with a trader that lives in some palace and i'm supposed to bring them back here to be my own. and i never even had to go to those lengths! I put myself at risk! I'm putting moorclan at risk because of you! because of you and your...your...your...selfishness!" anger began to ripple through the tom as the situation soaked in. and while sadness still swirled deep within his heart, he wasn't sure which emotion would win the battle.
`this took forever to get up. i'm sorry, but i'm super happy with it. all the feels.
Her tears spilled alongside his. His words blurred, only the anger in his voice seemed to prevail.
Her breathing was heavier now and her heart raced. The one she wanted to love the most now didn’t share what they once had. All gone in mere seconds.
It’s all my fault. Look what I’ve done.
“F-fallow, Fallow, please. You don’t understand! I didn’t mean it at all. I was just venting to my mother! I was hurt and didn’t understand and you know how she is running her mouth around the camp. I’m so so sorry. Please, please forgive me. We can raise those kits together and I’ll take all the blame. I’ll do everything you want me to! Just please don’t stop being close to me!”
Her conscious rang in her ears like a heavy whisper.
You know the only big mouth here is yours. Look what you’ve done.
Starlingstep breathed, her breathe shaking heavily.
“I love you Fallowbreeze, and this is the most the most terrible thing I’ve ever done.”