It was hard being Fallowbreeze. Everyone looked at him differently than he had expected them to. And perhaps that was his biggest downfall...the caring of what others thought. But he had to right? Afterall, one of those others would someday be his mate...if everything went well and by Starclan's mercy some she-cat finally believed him that he wasn't gay. But that actually happening was MOONS away, and by then...well he would have found some other way to have kits of his own. And while he hadn't quite figured out all of the details......
The thought was too much to bare. And soon the tom found tears rolling from his eyes. Shaking his head in an attempt to hide the end result, he pushed himself out of camp and towards the forest. At least here he could try to hunt and perhaps take his mind off of the very thoughts that consumed his soul. Family. Kits. A Mate to call his own. "Oh there you go again Fallowbreeze! This is exactly what Starling tells you NOT to do." The scolding came out dramatic and exasperated as he let his paws drag across the forest floor.
So perhaps this wasn't going to turn into a hunting expedition with all the noise he was making. Defeated, the tom felt his entire body move with a sigh as his haunches plopped his body to the forest floor. The world was out to get him...and his clanmates weren't helping. Fallowbreeze angrily swiped a paw at a small stick in front of him, watching as it jetted across the forest and behind a tree not far from where he now sat. At least here, there was no one around to watch him cry.
It was rare for Robinflight to find herself in the White Forest while not on patrol. She had the hardest time hunting in here and the trees overhead always made her feel antsy. Yes, she had had much practice in these woods, but it still wasn't where she went if she wanted to have fun. But something about laying up in the branches of a tree called to her every now and again and so she found herself winding through white trunks looking for the perfect perch.
There! she thought to herself giddily, picking up her pace to get a running leap onto the trunk of her target. She carefully climbed almost to the top and curled up against the trunk. Before Robinflight knew it, she was gently dozing off to the sounds of the forest.
A loud voice startled her awake, claws digging into the branch below her paws so that her body jerking wouldn't fling her off of it. Golden eyes blinked down at the tom below her in confusion for a moment before she recognized Fallowbreeze. "You okay down there?" she called. The young molly stretched and carefully made her way down the trunk to drop in front of where the tom sat. "You seem kinda upset, can I help?"
♚ quietly wailing to himself had been the plan of action. but alas, it seemed like he was to be interrupted by a younger member of his clan. her voice startled him and the tom visibly jumped from her short phrase. his eyes darted up to the tree, recognizing the pelt of young robinflight. while he didn't know much of the young she-cat, he knew she was cherrybloom's daughter of sorts...and cherrybloom was always so comforting. surely her kin couldn't fall from the tree?
"I don't need help." the tom sniffled, quickly taking a paw to his eyes to wipe away a tear or two. "I just needed away from camp. i didn't need somebody to come out following me! although i suppose if you were in the tree you couldn't have been following." his yellow eyes darted up the branches above and he sighed softly. His body shook as he took in a ragged breath. why was life so hard and why were others always interrupting him in his private moments?
but as if she had invited him into a vent and random meltdown, the tom felt more tears stinging the corners of his eyes. "Oh who am i kidding. I need all of the help. I need so much help and i have nobody to help me. or i at least messed up so badly with her that i can't even love her like i want to. and now, well now everybody just doesn't view me correctly and it's all some horrible nightmare." the words just emptied themselves into the air that hung between the two and he couldn't help himself. he had always been one to share too much, and perhaps a tad dramatically.
Following Fallowbreeze's mood swings was a tough task even when she wasn't still blinking back sleep from an abrupt awakening. Robinflight made sure that that didn't show on her face, however, and brought up her usual cheerful attitude. Despite his denial of her offer, he still seemed pretty miserable. The young molly was about to comment on that when Fallowbreeze suddenly spoke again and Robinflight found she was correct.
His reasoning that there was no one to help him except for a 'her' and that everyone viewed him wrong stung a little bit. She was here! She was offering her help! Robinflight sat with a frown and didn't speak for a moment, letting Fallowbreeze get a bit more of his hysterics out. "I don't really know where to start," she meowed. "Who are you talking about, which her? What do you mean no one "views you correctly"? Her head tilted to the side, wracking her brain to try to figure out what in the stars he could possibly be talking about. What "she" was he always around? Honestly, Robinflight had no clue, she had yet to spend much time with the older warriors outside of patrols since receiving her name.
♚ the tom stared blankly into the distance, hoping that the she-cat in his presence would disappear. but that wouldn't help anything, it would just leave him here, sobbing silently...or rather loudly...to himself. and then somebody was sure to stumble across him and it would turn into a whole different ordeal than the one he was already attempting to juggle. his eyes narrowed slightly as the younger warrior asked questions. why so many questions, he was the one with problems! he should have the questions. she was just here, she was supposed to be the shoulder he leaned on if she was going to walk into his sob fests.
"are you absolutely clueless?! the tom cried, sighing loudly before letting more tears stream down his face. "if you're just going to sit here and ask questions and not help, well then you shouldn't even be here at all." his voice trembled slightly as he made sure to cast his gaze away from the tabby feline. and before she could even reply, he found himself feeling worse for judging her and belittling her. it wasn't her fault she was younger and had no knowledge of the older cats.
his gaze swept lazily towards her before he let his tail flick in her direction. "i'm..i'm sorry. you didn't deserve that and you don't know any better. i just, i've been lost without starlingstep and i can't even let her know my problems because then everybody would know, although everyone does know...and will know. and it's just so hard...life..." a sigh finished off his quickly spoken trail of words. he should just leave moorclan, start over. maybe creekclan would take him in. there at least he would have a chance to start over without everyone having an opinion about him already.
`oooooooh fallowbreeze, poor robin did not deserve that.
Robinflight flinched at Fallowbreeze's words, shrinking in on herself for a moment before her temper kicked in. Normally, the young molly was hard to rattle, but she wouldn't let anyone get away for saying this to another cat. She definitely wasn't going to let this - this - rude tom do it to her.
Already opening her mouth to speak her mind, she halted when he spoke again. He didn't really make much more sense than before, but at least she could put a name to the mysterious "she" that Fallowbreeze had been speaking of. Starlingstep, she was, like, his friend, right? Robinflight thought she was. So how did he lose her? Last she knew they were still friends, or at least on friendly speaking terms. Before she commented further, however, she was determined to let him know what she thought.
"You don't have to be rude," she snapped. "Besides that, I was here first. You interrupted me first, not the other way around. You were the one who said that you needed help. I asked those questions so that I could help you. If you don't want me to help you, then say so, don't call me clueless and imply that I followed and bothered you." Robinflight huffed and flicked her tail angrily, letting her ears come up from where they had subconsciously pinned themselves to her skull. "With that out of the way... Apology accepted. Now. Is there anything I can help you with? I'm a good listener and shoulder to cry on."
Privately, Robinflight hoped he would say no so that she could leave and find another place to nap. Or maybe she could even go back to camp and ask Cherrybloom what could have possibly sent Fallowbreeze into such hysterics.
♚ while fallowbreeze would have normally burst into tears from anger directed towards him, at this precise moment there were too many thoughts in his mind to even let the anger be fully processed. and she was, young and not somebody he knew very well. instead his brow furrowed and a frown pasted itself onto his maw. while he didn't have anything to say, he recoiled slightly, in a possible effort to protect himself from her harsh outburst.
but it was short lived, for soon she had accepted his apology and that was about all it took to win him back over. especially when it was paired with an offer for listening and a shoulder to cry on. fallowbreeze sniffled slightly before finding himself ready to spill his guts. if he didn't have starlingstep, at least he could have robinflight right? they were both birds.....what could be that big of a difference?
"Oh robinflight..." he began, his eyes filling with water as they threatened to spill the tears, "I just wanted kits of my own. and starlingstep said she loved me and i messed it up on accident because i was so scared. but then somehow in the midst of it all somebody started some rumor and now starling and every other she-cat thinks i like toms. and i do like toms, but not that way!" he paused, inhaling a deep rattling breath. today was the day to spill everything to her.
"and so i've done the unthinkable because nobody will love me. I've made a deal with an outsider and i'll have my own kits, i really will. and i can only hope that starling will love me once she sees i do actually like she-cats. that i do want kits, that i'll have kits!" his eyes were panicky as he stared at her with desperation. she had to have some sort of advice...some sort of helpful words...or was he just grasping for straws?
Well, that wasn't what she had expected. At least not entirely. Now that he'd mentioned it, she did remember hearing that rumor but didn't care enough to remember. The rumor that Fallowbreeze liked toms over she-cats didn't impact anything in her life, after all, so.
The news that he had gone to an outsider to help brought a small frown to her face. She knew Moorclan as a whole would accept any kit - she was a prime example of that - but doing something like this just seemed like a lot of needless trouble. "Why? she asked curious, no judgement in her voice. "Wouldn't whoever you made a deal with just keep the kits? Or at least come here to live in the clan until they become apprentices?" With how Cherrybloom cherished all of her kits, she couldn't understand how any she-cat would be willing to give up even one of their kits, deal or not.
Robinflight purposefully ignored the fact that she could have been abandoned herself.